Good black men, looking for good black women…. Where are they?
Last night while doing my normal Facebook, I noticed a friends post about women and how they don’t appreciate what they have. So me being my crazy concerned self, especially when it comes to issues of black love, I responded. The conversation went on and one of my friends, friends chimed in as well (a male). I was so intrigued by the pure honesty of emotions these two men used when describing past women in their life. It wasn’t bitterness but hurt and concern that they might never find Ms. Right instead only dealing with Ms. Right Now. The main problem was career choices, now these men are in what I would call high profile career fields. This means they are in the spot light a lot so finding a woman is not the problem finding the right one is the problem. So I said to myself, “Self” and myself said “Huh?” We need to talk about this. It’s been a long time since I have banged your heads with my opinion on relationships, but a sista is back!
Sisters sorry to be the one to let you know this but there are plenty of good black men in this world, and if your single, they are looking for you. You just have to act right, and I know I’m going to get a lot of slack for saying that but for some of you it’s the truth. So I won’t take up too much of your time just hit you up with a few points that might help you out.
So the problem my friend has is that he is a good brother, he has a great job ( I would love to do what he does) but it keeps him busy at times throughout the year and on the road a little bit. At times he is in the spot light and the man about town. This type of lifestyle is very attractive some women. At first they are all into him and then once they get deeper into the relationship the women get upset because he isn’t around all the time or they have a man on the side because he isn’t around all the time.
1. Sisters if you know what the man’s job is from the door and he puts all of his cards on the table, letting you know all that comes with it, why the fuck (my first F bomb JYEAH!) would you get upset down the line? You knew who and what he was about from the get. Women constantly want a brother who is motivated, but when you find one it seems like it is not enough and that’s why some of ya’ll are still fucking single (I said some).
So as we got deeper into the conversation it was pointed out to me that popular women get upset with one guy because he sometimes takes the spot light from them and unpopular women, who become popular from being with him, start to act like they are too good to be with him any more
2. STOP ACTING A FUCKING MONKEY ladies, geesh.
3. Some women (not all) wouldn’t know a good brother if it kicked you in the ass. Time and time again I have said ladies put your cards on the table especially if your over 30 because neither one of you have time for games. Let a man know what it is you want up front, what you won’t stand for and what you can handle. Let a man know what baggage you come with and what baggage you will except from him. Shit even Steve Harvey wrote a book about it for you. If a brother does it (let you know what he wants up front) don’t assume he is controlling or demanding, he is just being open and honest, they do that. A man who is not afraid to express himself and his emotions is a fucking keeper, not a bitch.
4. I’ve said this before too sometimes you need to shut the fuck up and listen to what a man has to say. I know sometimes they talk a lot about nothing and all you hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh…wait…maybe that’s just me. Most men just want to let you understand what they want and where they are coming from. Black men aren’t that complicated all they want is peace of mind and the comfort of a good woman who supports them in every way. It really is that simple ladies and sometimes give good head. Sorry…I couldn’t resist.
The List
5. Stop writing these fuck ass lists about what you want in a man. Half the time its unrealistic ideologies i.e. it’s BULLSHIT. You probably will never know how many blessings you miss out on because your to busy looking at a list.
I was told, by a man mind you, that educated women are the worst. He said that they are too controlling and always want to run the relationship. Now I won’t lie and say I’m not controlling because I am but I’m going to tell you something I was told from a young age when dealing with men.
6. LET A MAN BE A MAN. I know I talk about my inner dude all the time, it will always be there but when it comes to the man of the house, I let him be the man. Why are we so scared of the word submission, if your religious or spiritual don’t you submit to your God. If you’re looking to get married or are married you submit to your spouse, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. What’s so wrong with being weak in front of your spouse? That’s the one person who should know that you’re not always as strong as you appear and vice versa.
7. Sisters stop being so bitter about past relationships, you loved and you learned doesn’t mean you will never love again. Whatever happened in the past with another person, happened with THAT person. Get that clear in your mind that these are two different people. Don’t take your past hurt out on the next man. It’s not his fault. He shouldn’t have to pay for you not being able to move past your old relationship baggage. If you keep picking shitty men maybe you should take a time out, step back and look in the mirror cause there just might be something wrong with you. I’m just saying when you point a finger at someone you have 3 pointing back at you.
8. Don’t use your powers for evil, God don’t like ugly again that’s why SOME OF YALL are still single. We lie better, we cheat better, and we know how to make a man feel guilty as hell when we don’t get our way. We hold all the cards a man can’t do anything you don’t want him to do if he is a respectful man. Use your power for good and you might be happier.
9. This one if for the brothers a woman can find out all about you within the first 15 minutes of conversation with you, she knows if you ain’t shit or if your worth dealing with. Try and learn this and stop letting a big booty and smile throw you off. Pussy is a powerful thing but try not to let it rule you, that’s how your feelings can get hurt.
10. Sisters stop looking at these thug fools like there the strongest of the bunch that shit ain’t sexy at all. A man who works his ass off and wants to try and give you the world is sexy as hell. Once that thug Negro starts treating you like shit then you want to cry on a good brothers shoulders.
11. Brothers, I’ve said this before too, MAKE YOUR FEET HEAVY, that means stand your ground its ok to sometimes say no. Yes we might get upset, cuss and act a pretty monkey *Uncle Ruckus* but some women need to learn that they are old enough for their wants not to hurt them.
The best thing about being in a great relationship is the support you have for one another, the motivation you give one another to make a better life for both of you. The way you listen to one another and how you work together as a team is part of a great foundation for you to continue building a life together. Love is complicated, it’s like cocaine… it’s a powerful drug. But if you find the right person that kind of addiction isn’t so bad.
As always fam, I love y’all and it is what it is……
This is the first post that I have read today since I signed up, and it must be fate that I came across it. I want to start off by saying that I’m a white female, who is in a long term family oriented committed relationship with an African American man. With that being said I ALSO want to say that what I’m about to say is HONEST and REAL, and from experience with every type of woman. I’d like to get your feedback, and then would like to respond and link to your blog in a response blog of my own. Now, I have all bi-racial children, and have many friends from many different backgrounds. The one thing that intrigues me is the black women who say they are tired of the black men dating or marrying the white women. Most men are color blind. Most marriage material men want 4 things from a woman. Take care of the house, the kids, the bedroom, and know how to carry herself in public. SOME not ALL black women do not carry themselves in a way that will attract a marriage-minded strong black man. Hell a thug ass nigga ‘excuse me coming from a white girl’ lol will prey on THOSE women. A self confident black woman will not give a thug the time of day. There in fact he will not try to pursue her, because he knows he’s not worthy. Where there is a low-life black man with no job, not taking care of his kids, you can bet his girlfriend doesn’t have too much to offer, herself. [Misery loves company] If a black woman wants a good black man… she will have to earn him. White women ARE NOT stealing your strong black men. We don’t have this special force or spell that makes all black men not want black women. In fact some of my friends say they have dated black women before, and stopped because of how they act. If you want something worth having ladies, it takes effort on your part. [That sounded bad, but I don't mean it in a negative way] You made a VERY good point about submission. So many strong headed [not always a good thing] black women have the attitude like “He can’t tell me what to do, I’m in control, who does he think he is” But if you expect a man to get up every day, go to work, take care of the household, then you better back off and let him be a man. The man IS the king of his castle, whether he is black, white, mexican, green, purple, a WORTHY man wants a WORTHY woman. To answer your question “Where are they?” Hell they are everywhere. Probably asking themselves, “Where are all the good black women?”
kristinmomof5 - August 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm |
1) Blog – I loved it… I think it was very well needed. Self examination is the key to happiness. An unhappy self leads to unhappy relationship. However, self examination is one of the hardest things to do…
2) Response to blog response – I have a mixed emotions about the response. I believe that there is a certain part of the black man that responds and interacts with white women differently and alot of it dates back to our history as a people as it relates to anything white.
I feel like black women are viewed as the “familiar”, doesn’t really take alot of work or effort cause that is how things are “supposed” to be. So sometimes we get taken for granted and vice versa.
The history & experience of black women in America can never be compared to that of white women it will also be something different. We will always view and relate to our roles in the family differently. Our African American cultural experience in the country is that the woman works as hard as the man. Even through periods when white women were staying at home “caring” for their families, the black woman worked as her maid. She had time to perfect and pass on the skill of “catering to and caring for” her family and husband to her daughters cause for the most part it was the black women doing all the heavy work. It’s easy to plate the meal when you don’t have to cook it.
Black Women have always had to be emotionally tougher at home because our men have always had to fight for everything they have no matter how great or small. Our families had to always seem tight because our men had enough to worry about.
All in all I think that we need to stop comparing ourselves to the “others” we aren’t them. WE as a people have a unique plight. Not better, not worse but different. If we take the time to figure out what works best for US, our families, our marriages, & our self as African Americans. We will be alot better off and our family units will get a lot further.
Yes it is true that women are supposed to submit to her husband… But don’t forget that a husband is charged to love his wife as his own body. Are we as people really doing both?
Nice post Toia I can’t wait to read more.
Ingrid - August 30, 2010 at 5:25 pm |
Toia … This was a pleasure reading … i got this referall from a mutual person … It definitely puts some things into the light.
thanks for the insight … cannot wait for another topic of discussion.
William Bright - August 30, 2010 at 11:49 pm |